the happeningz

HER TEARS ON MY BIRTHDAY

RE-POST  

Non-Fiction

I talked to RJ.  I will post this from1762Broadway.blogspot.com.  This post is for the upcoming Memorial Day Weekend we all look forward to.  We kick off the summer going to barbeques, beaches, pools, parks and cookouts with family or friends forgetting that the day was set aside to remember those fallen in defense of their country.  If you forgot your country, it’s the United States Of America.

In both Iraq and Afghanistan the United States suffered an inordinate amount of suicides due to combat related stress, battle fatigue and finally, failure of the family – that is families breaking up under the stress of multiple deployments and financial ruin due to deployment.  The final failure came with the financial crisis and the outright denial of jobs and opportunities to returning Veterans, men and women.

The original post was recounting an actual event the names of the fallen are real.  The names of some of those in attendance have been changed so RJ doesn't have to deal with certain unscrupulous individuals looking for a reason to cause trouble. 

What makes this a 'happening' is that we have young men and women coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan, angry, disillusioned, abandoned and alone.  Coming home to a country that gives 'lip service' to the life service and life time help they will need from their government, from their communities and especially from their fellow Americans.  

Even more immediate is the help that families that have lost a service member  now need to keep their lives intact, shelter themselves and survive the pain of loss as well as survive as a proud American family that has given their dearest blood.

Here It Is:

Her Tears On My Birthday

Marine Corps Birthday Toast – A Reflection

There have been several times in my life I really thought I was wasting my time doing anything for or in a bar. 

Most of the time you get people who only show up to chow down and drink enough booze to push it all back up again. 

I have seen it happen in many establishments, ruining the occasion because most forgot what they showed up for in the first place. Ruby told me this could be different. It was very different.

It had been a plan between the ‘staff’ and myself to provide food and a ‘veterans service pin’, presented to every veteran attending, as a commemoration of the event. A good ships bell that was donated by a Marine (guess who) and a plaque to mount it on delivered by an old Master Sergeant from the Army Airborne was made ready for mounting.

After setting up flags, uniforms, photos and posters to set the right mood along with a portable amplifier. We were ready.

The informal toast is a reminder to me, information which I shared with all, that the Marine Corps was founded in a bar, Tun Tavern, in Pennsylvania. This country’s first fighting force was formed and recruited while drinks were being served, while people shared raunchy conversation and loud talk. It wasn’t much different this year except that the drinks, the shots, found their meaning in those we drank too.

Breezy found Richie the Iceguy’s tools and mounted the bell. Mr. E loved it. (That is when he saw it mounted) We opened by standing and saying the pledge, playing the Star Spangled Banner and toasting the United States of America. 

(I was the MC, maybe if this is done in the future we can find someone to do it better). We then toasted the active duty Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Coast Guard and Marines.

When we started toasting those Veterans still breathing and among us the ‘Lounge’ came alive with a good feeling of old fashioned Americanism. We toasted the Airborne, we toasted each other and said really meaningful heartfelt sentiments that really made me happy.

I was totally motivated by the evening. The attraction of the evening was the POW/MIA Observance set up in the back of the lounge. It was haunting and provocative, the POW/MIA flag under blacklight with three white roses.

During the evening Mary and her friend came in and were really having a great time. Then we got to the last toasts to those who had fallen. During the bottom half of the hour when everyone got going toasting each other Mary told me about her late husband, James a Marine Corps Gunnery Sergeant who forced the war to make sense to himself and to his superiors in every way he possibly could. He didn’t succeed.

Rather than admit his mission was a failure, that the good sons and fathers he commanded were sacrificed for no apparent good reason, or that what he did wouldn’t matter under a new command he confronted his superiors in the only way he could make them understand. Command is a matter of honor, you get command when you demonstrate beyond all doubt you can lead, to keep his honor clean he fell on his sword.

That’s the polite way of saying he didn’t get the help he needed when he needed it.

When a warrior falls, for reasons the protected may never understand, it wounds the collective soul of the nation. Not only must we put away a warrior, but what happens to the lives of those who support them?

What happens to the Wives who become widows and the sons and daughters who become fatherless? Mary told me what happens, the government quietly discards them and runs them through red tape and heartache even before the warrior is in the ground.

Mary told me of the Tragedy Assistance Program or TAPS. Founded out of tragedy in 1994, TAPS has grown and established itself as the front line resource to families and loved ones of our military men and women. TAPS has provided comfort and care, 24hours a day, 7 days a week through comprehensive services and programs including peer based emotional support, case work assistance, crisis intervention, and grief and trauma resources.

 
Mary told me of how TAPS uses The Power of Women. A tradition in Iraq has becomes a Fundraiser for TAPS. Many Iraqi women give away jewelry to their friends. They often wear many of these beautiful beaded bracelets to have one available to give when the opportunity presents itself. It means more to them to share a gift and show their love than to have a material possession, even something precious.

TAPS has a limited number of these bracelets, made by Iraqi Women out of gratitude to United States Service Members. The bracelet Mary wore was beautiful, given to her by another widow. After Mary gave a dedication to her husband and we toasted his service, Norm put the Gunny’s Picture on the plaque mounting the bell. Mary hugged me and gave me her bracelet.

I let her know quickly I was not worthy of such a gift. I gave some, her husband Gunnery Sergeant James Gallagher, USMC, gave all. I felt quite humbled as her tears fell upon me as she held my hand. Mary must have felt we did all this for her and the Gunny. 

All I wanted was an evening where the citizen and those who served could informally celebrate each other and really appreciate what it is to be American.
I didn’t stay long after the last toast. My heart was loaded, not my snout. I sat up the rest of the night looking at the picture of my late wife standing under the name of my cousin, engraved on the Vietnam Memorial (AKA- The Wall). Last year I was outraged, this year, I am humbled beyond my pitiful attempt to describe just how deeply I am moved.

DO THIS! Go to http://www.taps.org/ Please help support TAPS and other programs for the families of those who have died in the military by buying the Baghdad Bracelet to wear and, in the tradition of the Iraqi women, to share. 

Leave a donation no matter how small. If you can buy a drink you can help the widow of a fallen warrior, if you can park your ass on a bar stool then give your time, be a volunteer, give something.

This was a very different ‘Informal Toast’. I leave you only with these words from an Unknown Marine, “For those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected will never know.”  (END OF RE-POST)

There will be a part 2 of this blog with the original comments.  If you are an American who is moved by this re-post.  Give your opinion and comment now.

DC for RJ