Sexual Fluidity: Loving & Lusting In and out of Gender

Sexual Fluidity: Who do you love?  The new sexual reality…or is it?

The Subject is Non-Fiction: Names changed to protect the author, the innocent and the suspect.

I had been going all day.  I thought I would visit a friend and Veteran of the Iraq War who I’d run into earlier this month at the Veterans Job Fair at the U.S ARMY NATIONAL GUARD RECRUITING OFFICE in Farmingdale, NY. 

Eddie, (her name is Edwina but everyone calls her ‘Eddie’) is a Sergeant First Class in the Army and she has a few side jobs, one as a bartender.  We decided to go to a ‘neutral’ location so we went to ‘Ollie’s Point Bar’ on the corner of Merrick Rd and Broadway in Amityville.

Even though the service at the bar was not the best on Long Island (but this place does have good bands and great events on occasion) we did have lunch there and a few drinks.  I talked about how we could never hook up and she talked about the reasons why.  

Eddie was in her camouflage utility uniform and absolutely beautiful, the Puerto Rican, Cuban and West Indian features along with fiery hazel eyes made her captivating.  “RJ, stop gazing at me and listen” so Eddie continued.

Eddie said, “I love who I love RJ, I love you but not in a sexual way” (code for I don’t want to touch you) I had to ask Eddie the obvious question knowing her past, “so who do you love now.”  

Eddie said, “you know how I am, I love who I love…EZ could never wrap his head around that when we grew up.  EZ was always worried about Leeta and dudes getting into her pants, but she was the first person I made love to.”

“Amazing Eddie how you were able to get around the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) and thrive in an Army where women have been attacked, abused and raped by their own…how did you do that?” Eddie had wrapped her lips around a beer and gently swallowed before answering my inquiry.  

Eddie didn’t smile when she said, “men attack the weak or the ones that threaten them…I demonstrate strength by attacking first, be it a man or woman and leading by example.”

“Yeah, but EZ said that you had a thing for a young Colonel, a good looking ‘guy’ from Chicago who wanted you to quit the Army and marry him…which way you going Eddie?” “RJ, I already told you, I love who I love, it’s not about being a man or woman, it’s about who can turn me on with their personality their ‘chi’ the presence of their being, get that?”  “Yeah, it bugs me Leeta can turn you on but all you want me to be is your friend, Eddie.”

“RJ, you don’t get it because you don’t get ‘IT’…you are sweet, but way too serious and very conflicted because you want to do what’s right all the time, sometimes you gotta do what is just right for you…that means if it comes down to just letting loose and doing wild, naughty things then go with it…but you can’t or you won’t let go.  You let too much shit consume you.”

“Eddie, your half right about me, but what about you…what is it that flips your switch?” “RJ, it’s not all about sex or only about attraction but electricity and fun.  I like fun, I like excitement, I like to be in charge, I fight everything that depresses me and challenge everything that seeks to put me down, that’s me in short order.”  “Amazing Eddie! It’s oxymoronic that you are a leader in the Army!”

Eddie and I talked some more and I began to realize that her generation is different in many ways from earlier American generations as pertains to sexuality.  Women are not choosing their lovers, friends or sex partners based on gender but based on how a person makes them feel.  Eddie exposed a powerful revelation that seems to be lost in the fog of the culture war, the church vs. the secular republic (lesbians, homosexuals, transgender types and asexuals).

The revelation is that the American Woman or the first world woman is not chaining her belief systems to how she ‘should’ live according to society but how she chooses to live by finding souls in her world that brings her joy and happiness.  The new American Woman doesn’t want and will not tolerate a man, woman, government or church that tells her how she should live but wants a society that will tolerate how she chooses to be happy.

So of course, I decided to look into the matter just a little further.  Oh, by the way, Eddie is a first cousin of EZ and Leeta (see earlier blog post link below).  Back to the subject, how is it women are finding it unnecessary to be either lesbian or heterosexual?  


As I looked into the phenomenon I discovered that many media outlets have reported on it but somehow the topic gets drowned out by the headlines.

Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor and best-selling author reporting for CNN wrote about this phenomenon called “sexual fluidity”.  In his article he noted how Cynthia Nixon caused a whole lot of controversy with the statement that she ‘chooses’ to be a lesbian.  To quote Nixon exactly; “I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.”

   

Yeah, this kind of fuels the argument by the right-wingers and bible belt brimstone preachers that being homosexual is an absolute choice not a genetic certainty one is born with.  Kerner noted Dr. Lisa Diamond  was among the first to study this phenomenon, Dr. Diamond, a University of Utah psychology professor, has studied this extensively.

“In her 2008 book, ‘Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire,’ she (Dr. Diamond) writes that women’s sexuality appears to be much more fluid than men’s, and that this fluidity tends to involve three main characteristics:

– Non-exclusivity in attractions: can find either gender sexually attractive

– Changes in attractions: can suddenly find a man or woman sexually attractive after having been in a long-term relationship with the other

– Attraction to the person, not the gender

There are a lot of questions and observations that go with Dr. Diamonds study and many people ask these questions, like is sexual fluidity exclusive to women.


The basic answer is ‘yep’ men don’t or can’t flip back.  Once the ‘homo’ label is stuck on somebody for sex with another man or someone claim being a homosexual that’s it.  


Don’t believe me check out "Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms” authored by Emily Nagoski.

What Eddie (a woman) has brought me to realize is that real love or just plain lust is a powerful experience between personalities regardless of their gender.  Sexuality is expressed by folks who want to get off on each other because they turn each other on.

Does this mean the beginning of the end for the United States as currently configured?  Does this mean we will end up as Rome that did slide down this road of decadence, debauchery and hedonism?  I don’t know yet.  But if more men worked at being attractive to women, less women may seek out other women. 

Then again… freaks just may want to be freaky regardless…

What do you think?

RJ

Sources and Citations: 

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/09/understanding-females-sexual-fluidity/?hpt=hp_bn10

http://www.goodinbed.com/ebooks/2010/04/female-orgasms/index.php

http://thehappeningz.blogspot.com/2011/07/leeta-be-sure-you-dont-have-it-too.html

http://www.billionwickedthoughts.com/index.html