Knowing Your Turbans: How To Properly Discriminate

Knowing Your Turbans: How To Properly Discriminate

Sunday I went to the Shamrock in Freeport to fetch myself a cold one.  It was early afternoon when I ran into a local barfly ranting about ‘towel heads’.   

The bartender had Fox News on and the volume was muted.  Sam, the barfly in his late 30’s, talked so much venomous trash about them ‘muslims’ and “what the fuck they were doing with a mosque that big in Wisconsin anyway.”

I just wanted to get up and leave.  I just had to get away from that kind of nasty fucking, spirit sapping, mind scalding hate speak…but the radical in me took charge and I was possessed by the spirit of Malcolm X to educate and enlighten my ‘ignorant’ brethren.  As the sarcasm set in I put a smile on my face, seeing plainly the fun I was going to have.

“Yo’ Sam, your right about towel-heads and mosques, but them aint towel-heads and that sure the fuck isn’t a mosque.”  Sam said, “Yes it is”.  I said, “no it aint…turn up the volume.”   Even the Fox Network mentioned the victims were Sikh’s.  “What’s the difference between a Sikh and your garden variety towel head?” 

I said, “Sam, my all American ignorant fuck, let me explain it to you.  Sikh’s have fought with, protected and defended the anglo saxon peoples for the last 100 to 200 years.  Sihkism is a religion that broke from Hinduism and Sikh’s are educated, purposed and peaceful folks who will join in to fight for a right cause in a heartbeat.”  Sam said, “yeah, how do you know?”

“Sam, young man, I graduated high school and went to a place called ‘college’.  Let me tell you some fast facts about the Sikh’s: 1)The Sikh’s had their own kingdom in East India and Pakistan before the British took it from them around 1850, 2) There was a Sikh regiment in the British Army and Sikh’s serve in both the British Army and India’s Army,

3) The Sikh’s fought the Boer War with the British in South Africa, World War 1, World War 2 and serve to this day 4) Sikh’s were instrumental in securing India’s independence by forming the Indian Army and the mutiny of India’s Navy when under British control.”  Sam attempted to get a word in edgewise but I steamrolled on because he was confused and having a hard time with hard facts.

I said “Sikh’s in America have served since WW1 and uniform regulations have been codified for the uniform wearing of the ‘turban’ in all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces.  Sikh’s have lived in America for at least a hundred years and are in finance, medicine, education and the government.”  Sam blurted “OK, YOU KNOW EVERY FUCKIN THING…how can you tell a Sikh from an Arab asshole!

“Sam my man, terrorists and Arabs usually don’t where head dress in the United States and when they do it is in ‘Arab tradition’ that is called a keffiyeh, shmagh, ghutrah and an Arabic scarf.  Arab head dress always drapes down over the head, the Sikh wears his turban’s bound up with one piece of fabric.  That’s the difference my ignorant ethnocentric beer guzzling buddy.”

Sam said “your probably one of those liberals that screams for gun control aren’t you?”  I said, “hell no, I am a common sense conservative who pleads for gun ownership by everyone.  If a Sikh had a deacon or steward in their congregation who was packing, like black churches do, that asshole in Wisconsin would have died before he got off the second round.”

Sam asked “Black Churches have people packing heat in service?”  “Yeah Sam, why do you think they lock the doors at offering time?”  Sam said “I got to get the fuck out of here” and left.  I did the same a few minutes later.   What is sad is that Sikh churches will eventually be a lot more like Black Churches.  So much for living the First Amendment without Second Amendment backup.

RJ