World’s Oldest Profession by any other name; or is it?

World’s Oldest Profession by any other name; or is it?

This Blog Entry is Fictional but the content regarding Sexual Surrogates is Non-Fiction
               The images in this blog are graphic but do not contain depiction of sex acts. 


It was a rainy Thursday afternoon on a sidestreet bar in Cedarhurst when I caught up with Ruby working the day shift.  The bar was packed with old timers looking to warm their tired bones and relax their weary souls when I walked in.

 

An old Englishman I’ll call Todd was playing all kinds of 60’s and 70’s tunes on the jukebox and all souls were in a good mood trying to shake off the cares of the world for a couple of hours and enjoy good company, catch up on the local news, watch the horse races while sipping on a beer or a good bourbon.  All was well and familiar faces came in by the minute.

One of them was Milt, (see http://thehappeningz.blogspot.com/2009/07/infrared-ir-violations-are-you-victim.html) who I had not seen in at least a year and a half, maybe more.  Some of the old boys got on the topic of sexual dysfunction after one of the women in attendance (Cookie) said that Winton could not satisfy her if he actually had six inches of dick, “spaghetti don’t get that limp.”

Milt told Winton not to pay any attention to that because guys could get help for ‘that problem’ without going to an M.D.  “So what kind of help are you talking about Milt” said Winton with extreme skepticism and a hint of sarcasm.  “Well,” said Milt, “I went and saw a licensed sex therapist who referred me to a ‘sex surrogate’ and she straightened my flagpole out in a session or two.”

“What the fuck is a sex surrogate” barked Todd, as most conversations had stopped and all eyeballs where now on Milt.  “What, are all you people stuck in the 20^th Century?  A sex surrogate is somebody you visit or who visits you and  therapeutically addresses your sexual dysfunction by…how shall I say it…a hands on approach to the problem.”  Cookie asked, “And you pay for this service right?”

“Yeah, but it’s worth every penny” said Milt.  Cookie began her inquisition, “This so called sex surrogate Milt, does she have any kind of ‘Medical or Psychiatry certifications’?”  Well Cookie the state of New York, like most states have no ‘definition’ or regulations for ‘sexual surrogates’ so there are no laws regulating the profession” said Milt as he sipped on his scotch.

“The profession?” asked Todd, “sounds like some fancy assed prostitution ring to me.”  “Believe me Todd it’s a profession” declared Milt.  “No shit, the world’s oldest fucking profession” shouted Cookie as everybody burst into laughter and scorn, looking at Milt as some kind of freaking pervert. 

Milt continued his defense, “sex surrogates have been practicing in the United States and around the world for decades.  Know that people in other countries aren’t as closed minded or sociocentric as Americans are.  When they (foreigners) have problems with sexual function they get help.  Americans seem to be backward and ignorant about getting help in the ballroom when they need it.”

Out of curiosity and the need to take my mind off of my life, I asked Milt “what exactly do sex surrogates do that a well paid hooker or Dominatrix won’t or can’t do.”  Milt said, “well they have an association that gives you literature and written instructions to follow up on their ‘sessions’ and they report to your ‘sex therapist’ or ‘psychiatrist’ that referred them to check on your progress and see if the sexual dysfunction is mitigated or resolved.”

Todd’s mouth hung open as he listened to Milt’s explanation and he had to ask; “so these therapeutic hookers have an ‘association’…they got some kind of union that promotes standards or regulations…is that what your telling me there Milt?” “Oh Yeah” quipped Milt.  “What’s the name of this association,” asked Todd.  “It’s called ‘IPSA’ the International Professional Surrogate Association, said Milt.

Warren, who was in the bar with Mindy asked, “Do they have a phone number?”  Mindy responded by punching Warren in his nuts.  Milt looked at Warren turning several shades of color as the blood rushed in and out of his face and said, “right now you and Mindy could use some professional sexual help to get that thing working again.”  Mindy attempted to jump on Milt but was restrained by the crowd.  Ruby shouted, “everybody calm down.”

Milt said, “you can get phone numbers and referrals on their (IPSA) web site or on ‘Craig’s List’.”  I asked “So how is this ‘therapy’ working out for you Milt?” Milt grinned and said “real good.  The only Mr. Softee my woman talks about sells ice cream.”  Ruby said, “You got a woman, When?”  “If you must know right after the insurance company settled my late granddad’s estate.”  Ruby said, “I see.”

After leaving Ruby and the crowd I went home to check on how valid any of what Milt was talking about really is and was amazed to find the following information: There is an IPSA; Insurance doesn’t cover the price of ‘Sex Surrogates’ because there is no license to bill under; If you don’t have a sex partner a ‘Sex Surrogate’ can fill the void; Sex Surrogates usually work with ‘Sex Therapists’ who do have a professional license of some sort.

In an article from ‘New York Magazine’ called ‘Healing Hands’’ by Amy Sohn, Rita Bell, a real ‘Sex Surrogate’(OK) summed it up this way: “Surrogacy is much more cerebral than prostitution,” she says. “I have to figure out what the underlying issues are, and put the pieces together very quickly. 

These people don’t want to sit and talk. They want to get busy in the bedroom. If you take everything from psychotherapy and condense it and go into the bedroom, there’s another world there. If you are good at this and you are successful—which are not necessarily related—you have to be pretty smart.”

According to IPSA, quoting from their web site; “Surrogate Partner Therapy is available to male and female clients of all sexual orientations with surrogate partners of either gender. Some clients with issues of inexperience or negative body image, or with histories of trauma, may choose to work with a same-sex surrogate who participates as a role model rather than as an intimate partner.”

Let me know what you think about this.  Would you consider a ‘Sex Surrogate’ to help your known or unknown dysfunction?  Is there anyone you know who should consider the ‘services’ of a ‘Sex Surrogate’?  Once again I ask, let me know.

RJ

Citations and Resources: http://nymag.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/columns/nakedcity/n_8542/, http://www.lemondrop.com/2009/05/06/the-mystery-behind-sex-surrogacy/, http://surrogatetherapy.org/fees-and-length-of-therapy/, and http://sexsurrogateofla.com/sex-surrogate-center/sex-surrogates-and-partners/.