Bad Times & Slow Healing

Some of you may have wondered, why it is over six months since the last post was made. That is due to a long string of bad luck events that put me in and out of the hospital.

My contributors to date have not contributed due to many reasons, all lame excuses. Now that I'm out of the hospital and also out of my spell of bad luck, I will bring you up to date on the number of events that have happened in these past six months.

First me, then the bars, then the crowd (which will be covered in future postings)

Upon returning to New York I had to deal with taking care of my elderly mother and her home, while my home had problems I chose not to deal with anymore. I sold my home for a loss and had to deal with throwing out much of what I had worked for, moving back to my childhood home to take care of mom.

The stress of dealing with these and other problems elevated my blood pressure to an extreme high level, a level I chose to ignore. What happens next is a dramatic description of what took place.

"Get out of the way" as the gurney wheeled past the emergency room doors and down the corridor my heart was beating out of my chest. "Have the crash cart ready, get it in here now" said the paramedic. The middle aged and weathered registered nurse put the syringe into the Med lock affixed to the back of my wrist.

My heart started to beat slower as I started to float, everything I heard seemed to echo and everything got brighter. After briefly passing out I awoke to a small gaggle of doctors assembled around my bed.

The lead Doctor was in a green medical jumpsuit, she had long red hair and bright green eyes, which I thought was freaky (probably due to the drugs). The doctor stared into my face and asked, "Are you awake"? "Yeah I'm awake, who are you and what are you going to do?"

The doctor said, "I am Dr. Carissa Bevamanya, I am a psychiatrist". I said "why the hell did they send a psychiatrist to talk to me about my blood pressure".

"The administration sent us due to the number of times you were hospitalized for uncontrollable blood-pressure problems" said the doctor.

The doctor asked "are you suicidal or do you want to hurt anyone"?

"No I am not, as far as me wanting to hurt anyone... I just want to get out of here, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to talk to anyone else." After being admitted, my cardiologist showed up with Dr. Bevamanya. It was just the two of them; they sat down next to my bed after the cardiologist adjusted my I.V.

The red haired shrink said she had some questions that really needed to be answered, my cardiologist concurred and said that, "no one is trying to label you crazy, we just don't want to over medicate you."

I said, "Go ahead and ask your questions, if I don't want to answer I won't." The red haired shrink produced a paper that had several events on it all of them that relate to stress and duress. On the document, were several life events, some of which I have gone through and of these the doctor asked me to check off those events that affected me. Those events included: work problems, death of loved ones, loss of job, loss of a home, moving, problems with health or pain, chronic pain and family support.

"On a scale of one to ten your at an eight for stress and anxiety" said the shrink. The Cardiologist then had a nurse come in with "medications" then the shrink explained why she was having the nurse shoot me up with an anti-depressant and the cardiologist explained that my not being able to see well out of my right eye was due to a small stroke. The Red Haired Shrink said, " whatever it is in your life that is stressing you out must be handled, you must get rid of it, or it could put you in a very bad condition." I glibly rattled off, "get rid of it...I can't kill all of them".

Dr. Bevamanya, the Red Haired Shrink, looked at my Cardiologist, motioned to the nurse and she brought more "medications".The Nurse started shooting syringes loaded with "muscle relaxants" and "tension relievers" into the med lock on my wrist. The Red Haired Shrink became very, very, nice while coldly passive aggressive in a mildly condescending way that pissed me off, the shrink said, "We will be keeping you for a day, we need to observe you. Your anxiety and your anger concern me...we need to help you handle your anger issues to control your blood pressure and overall health."

Two days later I'm at Bronkos talking to "G". Its now late March 2010. ("G" is a nicely built MILF, looks like Sophia Loren and Gina Lolabrigida rolled into one) "How did the funeral go for the kid RJ?" "'G', it went as funerals go for teenagers, horrible, grief, tears, anger, screaming, overwhelming sadness.

But no one is getting out of life alive, its terrible that death happens, its a shame when death happens to a teenage kid." 'G''s healthy heaving breast bounced nicely as she slid my pint of Guinness in front of me, her luminescent brown eyes, black hair and Etruscan features were a sight for sore eyes and a soft phallus.

'G' asked, "How's things going with selling your house?" "I'm in contract limbo 'G' no one will tell me if the buyer is approved, when the bank will finance or when this thing is going to closing. Its like being locked in a dark room after being violated, your scared if the door opens but you know it has to if your ever going to get out. You just have to attack what comes at you." 'G' flashed me a look that indicated concern. "Look, its a house sale, you make it sound like your fighting out of a prison...cheer up RJ.

When are you going to move?" "Sometime in April 'G', I hope." "Whatever happened to your Uncle, the WWII Veteran RJ?" "He died almost a year ago." He had Alzheimer’s, but he knew who I was...he was existing in 1969 in his mind, he was always telling me to make sure I shared the extra bagels with my brothers and sisters." By now I was about ready to break, 'G' changed the subject thinking it would cheer me up.

"Ever hear from that lady friend of yours you took to the concert last year." "That bitch gave my number to her debt collectors, I caught mine-heifer with her face between her girlfriends legs having a carpet munchers buffet when I snuck in on her after Valentines Day, yes she got her key back."

'G' eased away to serve a few more of her regulars, I slowly got lost in my beer, trying to think of nothing as I attempted to numb my mind. 'G' found her way back to me and asked, "how are you dealing with the back pain?

Did the Doctors give you anything new?" I smiled and said "I'm working on a way to give up the pills that is getting some results. But it hasn't produced regular results, the pain still keeps me awake and I don't sleep well". 'G' tried to find another topic to cheer me up. 'G' asked, "How's your nephew doing.... Jake, the one who got the football scholarship?"

'G' just knew this would be cheery news. "He's in jail 'G' for robbery and possession with intent to sell. His mother, my sister, is soliciting funds for his legal defense." 'G' gritted her teeth asking, "How much is this going to cost you?" "Not a damn thing, I spent three years trying to educate that fool on what the real world is like, I told him all about the realities of being in 'the system", I tried to even get him a job at the college.

Now he's in Georgia, cracking his ass in the old cracker's jailhouse. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on keeping him out of jail when I got custody of him. Now he's legally a man. I'm not spending a dime, no more good money on bad asses."

'G' dematerialized to serve beers, cook and put sports on all the TV’s in the bar. I thought about my life and how it really seemed to suck. How I got passed over for work because of my 'disability', how unfair life seemed...I didn't ask to get hit by a woman too busy texting to pay attention to her SUV plowing into the back of my car. I didn't want back surgery but had to have it in order to walk again. I needed a shot to go with the next beer. 'G' noticed the look on my face after I played "What becomes of the broken hearted" by David Ruffin on the jukebox.

"Hey RJ, you better cheer up...no matter how bad it looks things could be much worse. If you don't get happy I'm cutting you off. Even worse i'll drag you out back, take my studded belt off and beat you with it, you got that! My heart was filled with lust and I couldn't control my laughter. "I knew you would give me a reason to smile, even if you don't keep your promises." That got even the old timers to crack up.

RJ