I didn’t get out after St. Patrick’s Day due to a lot of different things, but some things never change while the time constantly does. I went to a Doctor’s appointment for a quarterly checkup. There is a lot of things that go on in the course of a lifetime, some wonderful, some awful, some bring togetherness, some bitterness, some bring joy, some bring hatred and alienation. Some good people get awful bad things in life.It’s the course of a lifetime that comes into full view in the rearview mirror when you reach the magic number birthday called ‘50’. As I sat waiting for the Doctor’s appointment my head hurt, I never sleep and the bad food I ate from a dive restaurant didn’t help.
Throwing up from Wednesday night till Thursday afternoon didn’t help me on Friday. So what! Get my meds renewed and continue on life’s journey, right!
After the nurse took my blood pressure she insisted that I go to the emergency room because my blood pressure was unreasonably high. (Not this again) NO! I just want to see the Doctor, I waited months for this appointment, let me see the Doctor. Doctor, takes my blood pressure and refuses to continue the diagnosis until I am seen in emergency (which is conveniently down the hall).
In emergency I am asked the same questions (are you taking your medication, are you in pain, are you currently ill) but it’s the stupid question that always gets me going. “Sir are you experiencing any significant life changing event or difficulty right now?” I looked at this triage nurse and said “nothing nobody else isn’t going through”. “Like what?” was her cold retort. “I don’t know where to start and nobody here has all day, especially me.”
“Sir, we are not going to release you anyway because you are above heart attack and approaching stroke level, if you don’t want to tell me anything, that’s fine, but we can’t help you unless you let us know what’s wrong.” “Nurse, you have your problems and I have mine. I don’t want to know your problems, I know you don’t want to know mine because all the pills in the pharmacy couldn’t help me anyway. Understand.”
After the nurse took my blood pressure she insisted that I go to the emergency room because my blood pressure was unreasonably high. (Not this again) NO! I just want to see the Doctor, I waited months for this appointment, let me see the Doctor. Doctor, takes my blood pressure and refuses to continue the diagnosis until I am seen in emergency (which is conveniently down the hall).
In emergency I am asked the same questions (are you taking your medication, are you in pain, are you currently ill) but it’s the stupid question that always gets me going. “Sir are you experiencing any significant life changing event or difficulty right now?” I looked at this triage nurse and said “nothing nobody else isn’t going through”. “Like what?” was her cold retort. “I don’t know where to start and nobody here has all day, especially me.”
“Sir, we are not going to release you anyway because you are above heart attack and approaching stroke level, if you don’t want to tell me anything, that’s fine, but we can’t help you unless you let us know what’s wrong.” “Nurse, you have your problems and I have mine. I don’t want to know your problems, I know you don’t want to know mine because all the pills in the pharmacy couldn’t help me anyway. Understand.”
That wasn’t the answer the nurse wanted to hear, now I was surrounded by people in white lab coats except the guy in the tweed suit, he was the Cardiologist.
A phlebotomist, a neurologist, an E.R. Nurse, an EKG technician and the hospital administrator were all present. Why an administrator, questions about my coverage she wanted answered before anybody would help me. I said the right things with anger.
After all the tests were taken and they gave me meds, I lay in the ER waiting for my blood pressure to go down. Then a familiar face from the recent past, she sat down in her green Doctors outfit smiling away. “Hi RJ, I see your not feeling well?” “I was fine until I came in here Doc, why are you here?” “I want to do a survey, I do this with all patients with high blood pressure. Can I ask you some questions RJ?” “Sure”
The questions went like this: “Are you experiencing a financial hardship? Have you lost someone close to you in the last 10 years? Have you lost a job in the last five years? Have you had a traumatic injury in the last 10 years that has kept you from working? Are you enduring chronic pain? Do you tire more easily? Are people annoying you by telling you "you don't look so good lately"? Are you often invaded by a sadness you can't explain?”
“Where are you going with all this Doc?” Given your answers, the traumas you’ve endured and your ongoing battles with pain, grief and anxiety, I determined the problems we have controlling your blood pressure are related to unresolved or unrelenting stress.” NO SHIT! How many years did you spend at the University to get the tools to come to this amazing conclusion, Doc?”
“Anger, cynicism, dissension, condescension, self-abasement and your non-existent sex life are all evidence of stress. This stress is effecting you in a number of ways physically and can cause incredible problems mentally, even lead to depression, RJ.” “I don’t want to be on pills or escorted to a psych ward because it won’t change my world, it won’t change me, it can only mask the pain in the reality, not change reality, understand Doc?”
“Got it, your going to need to be proactive about dealing with stress RJ. Your one of millions who are going to have to find new ways to deal with stress.” “What are the numbers Doc, how many folks are dealing with a life turned upside down Doc.”
After all the tests were taken and they gave me meds, I lay in the ER waiting for my blood pressure to go down. Then a familiar face from the recent past, she sat down in her green Doctors outfit smiling away. “Hi RJ, I see your not feeling well?” “I was fine until I came in here Doc, why are you here?” “I want to do a survey, I do this with all patients with high blood pressure. Can I ask you some questions RJ?” “Sure”
The questions went like this: “Are you experiencing a financial hardship? Have you lost someone close to you in the last 10 years? Have you lost a job in the last five years? Have you had a traumatic injury in the last 10 years that has kept you from working? Are you enduring chronic pain? Do you tire more easily? Are people annoying you by telling you "you don't look so good lately"? Are you often invaded by a sadness you can't explain?”
“Where are you going with all this Doc?” Given your answers, the traumas you’ve endured and your ongoing battles with pain, grief and anxiety, I determined the problems we have controlling your blood pressure are related to unresolved or unrelenting stress.” NO SHIT! How many years did you spend at the University to get the tools to come to this amazing conclusion, Doc?”
“Anger, cynicism, dissension, condescension, self-abasement and your non-existent sex life are all evidence of stress. This stress is effecting you in a number of ways physically and can cause incredible problems mentally, even lead to depression, RJ.” “I don’t want to be on pills or escorted to a psych ward because it won’t change my world, it won’t change me, it can only mask the pain in the reality, not change reality, understand Doc?”
“Got it, your going to need to be proactive about dealing with stress RJ. Your one of millions who are going to have to find new ways to deal with stress.” “What are the numbers Doc, how many folks are dealing with a life turned upside down Doc.” “O.K., here are some rough numbers: Two thirds of Americans say they are likely to seek help for stress. Fifty-four percent of Americans are concerned about the level of stress in their everyday lives.
When I got home I read the rest of the numbers, (I’m not the only one stressing out) it’s a shock to realize that the way the culture has evolved, our ability to cope with the things we are dealing with are hindered by the stigma of seeing or even talking to a shrink. But not doing something is more wrong than right. Among other stats are these:
• 62% of Americans say work has a significant impact on stress levels. (APA Survey 2004)
• A majority of workers (52%) are more stressed because of work than home. (APA Survey 2004)
• 54% of workers are concerned about health problems caused by stress. (APA Survey 2004)
• 45% of workers list job insecurity has a significant impact on work stress levels. (APA Survey 2004)
• 61% of workers list heavy workloads as a significant impact on work stress levels. (APA Survey 2004)
• Executives and managers tend to have the most stressful jobs, while self-employed workers are the least stressed. (APA Survey 2004)
• One in four workers have taken a mental health day off from work to cope with stress. (APA Survey 2004)
• 73% of Americans name money as the number one factor that affects their stress level. (APA Survey 2004)[1]
The APA, aka American Psycological Association, 2005 also states;
Forty-three percent of adults suffer adverse health effects from stress.
Two-thirds of all office visits to family physicians are due to stress-related symptoms.
Sixty-four percent of Americans say they are taking steps to reduce stress in their lives.
Stress is linked to the six leading causes of death—heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide.
The APA, aka American Psycological Association, 2005 also states;
Forty-three percent of adults suffer adverse health effects from stress.
Two-thirds of all office visits to family physicians are due to stress-related symptoms.
Sixty-four percent of Americans say they are taking steps to reduce stress in their lives.
Stress is linked to the six leading causes of death—heart disease, cancer, lung ailments, accidents, cirrhosis of the liver, and suicide.
I was glad to be home, even though it’s a cold and lonely place. I was advised that I should distance myself from those things that stress me out. I disconnected my mother’s phone, told my brothers only to call me if they actually did something for my mother first, advised my mortgage banker to blow me and told a bunch of so called Christians to kiss my ass or go to hell. (If you knew the whole story all this would make sense).
I stressed over money owed to me by so called ‘friends’ who have not had the decency to even speak to me in over eight months wondering “is it something I said or did.” Not realizing that my so called friends only saw me as a sucker. Now that I have come to the realization that I should cut most of my world as it is, totally loose and find a woman who is a highly devoted, socially sheltered, book smart genius and a sex fiend.
I realized that even though California is a place really full of fruits, nuts and flakes, it is a place that I did live without a certain level of stress for almost 20 years. Not that I’m going back (tough to pick up at my age) any time soon but at least the friends I have in California call me at least once a week to see if I am actually alive. Those who check on me on the east coast usually do it to see if I’m dead.
I notice that much stress deals with the whole hypocrisy some so called people had about ‘how their family would relate to me’ being someone who ‘was’ a Church attendee with a formal education now spending time in ‘bars’ with ‘bar people’ (some of these hypocrites are crack addicts, faggots, dykes, embezzlers and deceivers) yet they don’t have enough decency to check on those who are sick or infirmed.
My stress was aimed at doing right for ‘friends’ and community like my Dad, who helped found three different Churches, fed the hungry, clothed the naked, sheltered the homeless and, Oh yeah…gave men work for a living wage. So, seeing that I have enough stress with dealing with ‘family’, I decided to cut loose stressing about fakes who could care less if I live or die, even though I did what I could to help them even when I wasn’t asked.
My blood pressure often gets raised when I think of them, the liars, deceivers, and so called ‘Christians’ who spread rumors, lies and other filth that spew from the open sewers they call mouths. But, I figure I’ll vent in a number of different ways that have been revealed to me by Doctor’s and Religious leaders of good repute.
My blood pressure often gets raised when I think of them, the liars, deceivers, and so called ‘Christians’ who spread rumors, lies and other filth that spew from the open sewers they call mouths. But, I figure I’ll vent in a number of different ways that have been revealed to me by Doctor’s and Religious leaders of good repute.
I need to spend more time being what I was when I was younger, selfish, brutally truthful and absolutely focused. Tough to do through the pain, but I have to find new ways to let the stress go. I advise you to do the same, find ways to let the stress go and find time to take mental health days as well as mental health weeks if necessary.
Sometimes you can’t worry about anybody’s feelings except your own.
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